New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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