real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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