Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
