ya dads aren't the best wingmen
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
