Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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