marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
