Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize