only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
