you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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