Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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