Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
