How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
