Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dear god my vagina.
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