I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
