stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
