She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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