Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your topless pictures make me question reality
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
