apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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