Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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