dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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