my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
