Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
