She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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