did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
