Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
