My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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