You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
