dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
