This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize