Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
