I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
