i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize