i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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