I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the high leading the old right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
