She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
