I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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