Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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