I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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