Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
