sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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