also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
