I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
