he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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