YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
