eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize