I just made out with a guy for $7.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
