I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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