I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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