everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize