wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
