Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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