i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
