jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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