We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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