Im at strip club and am horny
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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