Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
