Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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