we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
