Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
