my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
