If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
