your thong is hanging out like whoa
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
