She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
