Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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