I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize