i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
