I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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