Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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