so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
