Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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