I look better un-naked...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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